Staying mad is bad for your health, but “going off” on others can undermine relationships. New York City– based psychotherapist Sola Winley offers these strategies:

Do: Have an open, calm dialogue and be willing to hear your partner out.

Don’t: Punish your partner by withholding affection or sex—it can push you apart and create barriers.

Do: Consider writing down your feelings to help you think before you speak.

Don’t: Automatically attack the issue right away; give yourself time—though not so much that you begin to harbor resentment.

Do: Speak with a professional if you can’t control your temper, which is typically a sign that something deeper is going on. Talking to a counselor can lessen everybody’s stress.