Disclaimer: Due to recent events beyond my control I dedicate this blog to MARY HARVEY and other women like her.


Do you think ALL MEN CHEAT? And what’s wrong with believing it?

There are a lot of people who believe that all men cheat. This belief has a stifling effect on single women and young girls. I believe the effects are unique enough to be classified, as it’s own mental disease. I call this disease Post Traumatic Relationship Stress Disorder or PTRSD. PTRSD is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to one or more traumatic events in a relationship caused by something like the cheating of a man. These events are so traumatic that they cause psychological and sometimes physical harm to the person. These events can be experienced first, second and third hand. This traumatic event can be known or unknown to the person consciously. PTRSD is a severe and ongoing emotional reaction toward dating and can prevent the victim from developing a healthy relationship. So, to help people who maybe suffering from PTRSD and don’t know it I have listed what I believe are the major symptoms.

Symptoms of Post Traumatic Relationship Stress Disorder.

1. Negatively stereotyping the category they associate with their trauma like believing ALL MEN cheat. This maybe displayed by making a verbal comment or player hating on men for no reason. Their feelings are passionate and they cannot be contained. When asked, they have no problem expressing their distrust of men.
2. Only date a certain type of person because of an experience with another type. This could be a gender, a race or culture even a person from a particular region. In the 80’s some people who dated outside of their race did it solely because of feelings toward their own race. Not only did Black women use their feelings to justify interracial dating but Latino, Caribbean and even women from Africa let their trauma turn them from the men of their own race or culture. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not against jungle fever I just believe it should be a natural attraction. I also believe it is not healthy to not like the people of your own race or culture. This is for men who do not date the women of their own race as well.
3. Do not want to date because of a past experience. Some women may choose to abstain from dating all together. They may not try dating men outside of their race or even women they have just given up on dating period. They are set on spending the rest of their lives alone. A lot of women who already have children or women who are older have done this. This seems like a harmless symptoms but when you think of all the benefits of marriage and human companionship it’s a shame such a false belief should prevent a women from these joys. I should note here that while some women who are heterosexual change to a gay lifestyle it takes a lot more of a traumatic event to make someone become a lesbian and change their sexual preference.
4. Practices a strict dating or marital structure because of a past experience not because they were raised with that practice. These women believe that they can date but only with activities/requests. Jackie Christie wife of former NBA player Doug Christie went to extreme lengths to help her husband avoid extramarital temptations. She explained on their 2006 BET reality show The Christies Committed how she would travel with him everywhere so as not to let him be in the room alone with another woman. Some other woman place demands on their men like making them answer their cell phone every ten minutes when they are not together.
5. Has frequent and overwhelming suspicions of people they are dating. This maybe as simple as going through their dates pockets and cell phone looking for other girls numbers. They can search their date’s facebook pages and read their emails. While this level of personal invasion is common place it is not cool and it is not a characteristic of a healthy relationship.
6. Has a difficulty falling in love or developing a relationship. Not everyone falls in love but women displaying this symptom do so because of PTRSD. So, if there is an abrupt change in a person’s dating activity after a traumatic relationship related incident then PTRSD could be the cause.
7. Has hostility toward the subject of their dating and their traumatic event. When people experience something negative it’s normal for them to harbor some sensitivity toward the subject but PTRSD victims are a lot more extreme. They cannot talk about their experience let alone listen to other people discuss their condition.
8. Suffers from flashbacks and nightmares when encountering dates and events associated with their trauma. This is something a person will have to tell someone else. You can’t tell exactly what a person was dreaming about. You can listen for repeated themes in their dreams and take clues from that. I once dated a girl who would have dreams of me cheating on her with women I hadn’t met. Victims of violent crimes often display this type of post traumatic stress but it’s not limited to them. People who have near fatal accidents and other types of traumatic experiences suffer from flashbask dreams as well.
9. Extreme changes in overall character and health after traumatic event. This is way beyond going on an ice cream binge after a bad break up. This is a long binge. I person may even stop eating something they assoicate with a person who broke their heart or traumatised them.
10. Extreme changes in personal life philosophy after traumatic event. A PTRSD victim may simple change their belief in God or how children should behave. I know in my workshop I have young girls who believe all men will cheat and when asked are they talking about their fathers, brothers and uncles they say yes. I even ask them what about their child should they happen to have a boy and they say “he’ll be a dog too.” So I ask you what chance will a child have if his own mother thinks is normal for him to not be able to commit to a relationship?

Hopefully, reading this will help women and people better understand the effects of the myth that all men cheat and can help them correct their erroneous belief. I also hope the light I’ve shed on this problem will empower people with enough information to help diagnose their friends, family and even themselves. PTRSD may seem like a joke and many of the symptoms maybe written off as funny but PTRSD is very real. I understood the severity of PTRSD firsthand after the loss of a friend who committed suicide. She left the world leaving a note sighting dating stress as the source of her stress two weeks after Valentines Day 2004. I dedicate to piece to her memory.

Since I am only a dating coach I can only share the symptoms. If you or someone you know appears to be a victim of Post Traumatic Relationship Stress Disorder take them to a Psychiatrist for a form evaluation.