I often advise people that learning how to be really good at sex is very helpful with dating. Having the ability to blow your partner’s mind builds confidence. This can help stop guys who get overly excited when they find a willing sex partner. You know these are the guys who rush to have sex as soon as they get sexual interest from a girl. Like, after they finished their first date they push to have sex that night. Then the sex is wack. It’s wack because it is the simple “mutual masturbation” type sex where one the man is satisfied. The sad thing is that most women are used to this “you get yours because I got mine” sex and not being fully satisfied during sex. That’s why feel it is just as important for women as it is for men to learn how to have sex. Women need to learn their bodies so they can show their partners how to please them or chose partners who already know how.

I love to hate on porno movies. I think they are terrible for most people because they show a one sided male chauvinistic, self-aggrandizing style of sex. However porno movies are where a lot of people learn how to have sex. Some people learn from their siblings but learning from your older sister or brother is not good either because older siblings don’t know what they’re doing either. Sex is something you have to be taught. That’s why the fictional character Christian Grey in the 50 Shades of Grey novels and the real life writer AKA Iceberg Slim were so impactful on the women in their lives. Iceberg Slim was so good at sex he got women to sell their sex and give him the money. Yes he was a Pimp and that is not legal or cool. In his book PIMP he tells stories about how he laid his sexual skills down so well he was able to influence and turn a young girl into a sex worker. Christian Grey was an S&M dominate. He used his sex skills to get women to allow him to beat them and obey him. That is also not cool. I use those extreme examples to show the power of knowing how to have sex. Both of these guys were victims of child molestation. They were both raped by older women who showed them how to have sex. I’m not suggesting people need to be raped by older women, what I am saying is that they both learned how to have woman pleasing sex. This type of knowledge is not exclusive to rape or having sex with an older women. There are 3 very simple ways to learn how to have sex or to understand what pleases a woman during sex. Here are the three ways you can learn how to have mind blowing sex.

1. Read a Kama Sutra Book. Kama Sutra is the oldest teachings on the act of human sex. It is a pure and very deep explanation of sex. Learning about the philosophy and purpose of sex from a Kama Sutra book is a way to learn without the subtle perversion of modern sexuality books. The Kama Sutra is an old book and because its old it gives the act of sex some history. It is a book that connects sex to spirituality that modern sex education books are devoid of.

While the Kama Sutra teachings are old most people don’t think of them as a way to learn how to have sex. When people hear Kama Sutra they think of a collection of sexual positions but Kama Sutra is much more than that. Kama Sutra is the ancient Indian philosophy of human sexual behavior edited by the Indian scholar Mallinaga Vatsyayana over 1500 years ago. Mallinaga composed the Kama Sutra to help teach men how to have a happy marriage. Kama Sutra is the oldest book on sex. In it the Tantric sex positions are explained. The western world pulled out the Tantric positions and talks about them separate from the full process.

Before I read a Kama Sutra book I had been asking people what the purpose of sex was in my workshop. Most people didn’t know. They would just say reproduction. I then developed the 3Rs of sex to teach people what I thought the many uses of sex were. They are recreation, reproduction and rejuvenation. These are the same uses talked about in the Kama Sutra.

Kama Sutra Is a four day process created to allow the spirit energy of the male and female to bond. The bonding of the two energies will cause them to reach a height of ecstasy only achieved through sex. This ecstasy boosts the energy of both the male and female. This understanding of the act of sex is much broader than just to reproduce. Sex should be fun. We should enjoy having it with the person we are in a relationship with. The Indian culture has what they call Kama Sutra practitioners who were able to use sex to cure diseases. One ailment we could all learn to use sex to treat is depression.

2. Go to a sex toy store or attend a passion party. Passion Parties are the new crave. They are the evolution of the sex toy parties of the 90s. What has changed with the passion party is that they are not just sex toys. Even sex toys are not exactly sex toys.

Sex toys are everything from simple dildo (male penis replacements) to hand cuffs and other bondage equipment. Most passion parties are filled with ladies who want to spice up the sex in their relationships. They are not just freaks. Sex toys stores or Adult video stores carry everything and are for the full out perverted freaks. One of my friends hosts passion parties and explained to me that she sells mostly dildos and oils and some feathers. She said that a lot of couples just don’t understand how to be mutually sharing and that many women don’t fully understand their bodies. Her passion parties are more like sex education and one sided couples therapy.

This past year my wife and I went to an erotic sex expo on South Beach. Woah! It cost $65 per person. It was like a big Adult video store. It had big exhibits and lots of displays. One booth had real models in a gynecologist chair demonstrating a new dildo. That was crazy. We went to another booth which had little vibrating dildos. The salesman in the booth explained the design of the dildo. He explained how the dildo simulates the female. It was such an informative sales pitch that I learned a little more about the female anatomy.

The way the salesman explained the dildo was much different than what I learned in health class or from an instructional video. I think both women and men could learn some needed things about sex and satisfying a female from going to a sex toy store or a passion party.

3. Take a Tantric Sex Class. Tantric sex classes are the classes you might see on HBO’s Real Sex. They are where people teach each other how to have fulfilling sex. I asked one of my friends who teaches a Tantric Sex class was there any other kind of sex? He said that most couples have simple sex. In his classes he shows people how to tap into their sexual energy. This is very much like the deep use of sex talked about in the Kama Sutra book. I asked him what was the average age of the couples who attended his classes and he said “30 and up.” I then asked him what age should people start taking a Tantric Sex class? He didn’t know. Since my conversation with him I attended a program for teenage parents which helped me think of my answer. I believe Tantric Sex classes are an excellent way for people to learn how to have sex. People will learn how to have sex first hand. They will be supervised and monitored. I know it sounds crazy. Hell I thought these classes were just for freaky couples or swingers but after I thought about all that has come for our ignorance of sex, Tantric Sex class seems to be the perfect solution. I think once children become sexually active they should take a Tantric sex class. If the classes are good for adults then they are also good for new sexually active people.

While I wrote these tips for individuals who want to learn how to have sex it is better for parents who find it uncomfortable to talk about sex. I think it would be cool to read a Kama Sutra book with your child after you have read it first. Even going to a sex toy store might be possible. But I think everyone will draw the line at taking a Tantric Sex class with your child. I think if anything a parent could tell their children about a Tantric Sex class.

Sex is a very important skill for everyone to learn as I’ve said earlier. Sex is also something people don’t talk about. Most religions don’t touch the subject and the ones that do only say it should happen after marriage. It’s not like after you get married you instantly learn about the female body and can convert you years of “learning on you own sex” into “tantric sex ecstasy”.

As always I have not seen a list like this and I know I am outside of the box. Please give me your feedback. Email me at coachyojeff@gmail.com