“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” ~ H. P. Lovecraft

This week I continue with the next phase of tests in order to qualify to start taking the MS drug Lemtrada. I need to have blood work done monthly and the results monitored. A part of the monitoring involves observing if the last MS drug I was using, Rituxan, is completely “washed out” or eliminated from my body. Thus, all effects of the Rituxan must be assumed purged before I can start taking Lemtrada. Apparently, being on two powerful drugs at once would dangerously weaken my already vulnerable immune system.

The more I think about it, the more the process of initiating Lemtrada scares me. I’m not afraid of the side effects or the small amount of people currently on the drug. My fear is due to the idea of this being the last mainstream MS medicine available to me. Unfortunately, I have unsuccessfully tried almost all of the disease-modifying therapies and this looks to be my last hope for a conventional treatment.

Not taking medicine for my MS is something I have never considered. But if Lemtrada fells to stop my progression I may find myself, battling MS without the help of an MS drug.

The idea is so foreign to me I can’t even bring myself to do research on successful non-pharmaceutical options. I don’t even know if there is such a thing. So for right now, I’ll hope for the best and perhaps Lemtrada will be the answer I have been looking for.

It just sucks that I am always “hoping for the best”. I know that’s not the case for the majority of people. Most have a medicine that meets their needs. But for me, since my transition to Secondary-Progressive MS (SPMS), I have jumped from one medication to the next. So maybe if these subsequent phases of testing work, all that jumping will finally be over.