The more I answer this question the more important I realize it is. Some people like to say sex is overrated and society places too much emphasis on it. By sex I mean sexual intercourse not the sex of a person. Now that I’ve cleared that up experts and religious officials differ on the who’s, when’s and whys of sex. Monogamy, polygamy, celibacy abstinence are terms which we are confused about and it is simply a misunderstanding of the use of the sexual act. Then when you factor in people who are gay, lesbian, trans-sexual and bisexual our society is unable to agree on an answer about sex’s purpose. So, as a dating coach it is vital for me to have an understanding of sex because it is a major factor in human bonding and finding a life partner. Not to mention issues with sex are major contributors of relationship drama and divorce.

I like to consider myself a realist. I advocate that we should be more upfront and honest with each other while we are dating and bring an end to lying to each other AKA “Game.” I feel we can only change our behavior and not the behavior of other people therefore, we must see things the way they are. I feel this way especially about sex. I don’t try to guide people to a certain use of sex but more so understand the many uses of sex. Understanding sex and its impact on a relationship is very important to healthy dating. Couples use sex to define a relationship and use it to maintain a relationship but they are not very good uses of sex. Thank God these are not the only uses of sex. Now the dictionary defines sexual intercourse as the act in which the male reproductive organ enters the female reproductive tract. This does not help people understand how to use it. This is more of just description of what it is. I like to go a little bit deeper in my workshops. I explain the purpose of sex through the categories it is used in. I explain sexual intercourse by using what I call “The 3 Rs of Sex.”

Yo Jeff’s Three Rs of Sex

Reproduction.
This the most commonly accepted use of sex. I feel it’s always important to mention this basic use of sex because now with the use of condoms and other forms of birth control people forget this very basic use. I am very close to saying that this is the only purpose of sex. We like to say we are human animals so we can justify male cheating as normal and calling the people who do it “dogs.” If we were to really use the animal world as the model for human sexual behavior then most animals use sex for reproduction only. Sex as solely a reproductive activity limits the frequency severely and it also clarifies the sexual partner.

Recreation.
This is probably to most popular use of sex because of nerves around the head of the penis, around the clitoris and prostate gland all send delightful sensations to the brain. Sex is a pleasurable activity because of the sensations sent from these nerves, which cause the pituitary gland located in the brain to secrete hormones called Endorphins. The Endorphins help people feel pleasure and pain. The Endorphins cause the body to orgasm. The prostate gland is what I call “The Sugar Sprinkler” because it adds extra pleasure to the sexual activity much like how sugar makes all food taste good. The urethral sponge in the vagina contain the female prostate gland and is what people believe it’s the legendary G Spot. The male prostate gland or G Spot is a chestnut-sized gland just below the bladder easily accessible through the anus. Some men are able to achieve orgasm solely through stimulation of the prostate gland, such as prostate massage or receptive anal intercourse. The release of Endorphins is addictive and has been called human morphine because of the drug like high people receive from it.

Much like excessive sugar, which brings harm to the body with diseases like diabetes excessive sex can be dangerous as well. The fun and enjoyment sex provides can dominate and cloud a person’s judgment when dating. People have claimed to become addicted to sex while other people become attached to people who are disrespectful to them. Recreational sex also causes people to have unprotected sex and risk pregnancy and disease. I always caution people when enjoying sex recreationally. I say use everything in moderation and you are safer. Now, what moderation is for sex I don’t know but, three times a day is a bit excessive. Recreational sex should be monitored for signs of addiction and abuse like other overindulgences. Meaning if starts to cause problems in the participant’s lives or bodies then it may be a time to adjust the activity.


Rejuvenation.
Sex has been used to revitalize and even heal people for hundreds of years. In fact the oldest and most in depth guide on the sexual interaction of human beings instructs people of how sex can be used as such. Kama Sutra is the ancient Indian philosophy of human sexual behavior edited by the Indian scholar Mallinaga Vatsyayana over 1500 years ago. Karma Sutra is a four day process created to allow the spirit energy of the male and female to bond. The bonding of the two energies will allow them to reach a height of ecstasy only achieved through sex. This ecstasy boosts the energy of both the male and female. Now most Americans learn the wham bam thank you maam mutual masturbation form of sex and know nothing of it’s medicinal use. To me this is how I explain why people feel a lift after having sexual intercourse.

Closing comments
Through a better understanding of sex, sex will not be as much of a source of stress for people. People wonder why I call oral-sex sex. I consider it sex because it can hit those erogenous points and be as enjoyable as vaginal sex. And not for nothing but oral sex for people new to having sex or are gay can last longer than vaginal sex. Oral sex can transmit disease and stir the same emotional attachment as vaginal sex. So, that’s why I consider it sex even though it doesn’t produce children.

I hope my Three Rs of sex explanation helps you use sex in your dating process without letting it dominate it and mess your life up.

As always holla at me with comments or questions