Recently I have heard a lot of complaints from women about the comments some men are making to get their attention. When I was in college I love to hear my voluptuous female friends talk about the things that are said to them. In my early years of dating I searched for a magic pick up line which would bag me the girl of my dreams. However, even the classic lines like “Can I get a milk with that shake” didn’t seem to work the magic I wanted. What I learned was that there isn’t a magic line at all. “Pick up lines” are really a myth or at best mislabeled. Many men are tricked down the path of PULs. This myth confuses all types of men. You would think only young men would be the only ones using them but even men in their 50s are using them.

What makes PULs so popular is while they are turn offs for today’s independent, professional and educated women other women respond favorably to them. With these other women the more suggestive and freaky the PUL is the stronger they respond. One of my poets (a educated single mom) was so angered by a person in the audience yelling out “You got a phat ass” she wrote a poem in response. Using a very sexually suggestive PUL like that may seem like it would get a drink tossed in your face but with the right woman it could get you a booty call.

Another male friend complained to me about a PUL one of his male friends used on another female friend in front of him. He said his male friend asked him if he knew the attractive female was who was sitting at a table next to them. The attractive female happen to be another friend of his who was a professional women who made a good salary. His male friend was single and looking for a nice woman to date and not just a sex partner. Since his male friend also had a good job and no children he thought his was in the middle of a good meeting. He explain to his friend that he knew the attractive girl from college and she was a good catch. His male friend proceeded to yell over to the female “hey ma could you stand up.” The female friend asked with a shocked look on her face “excuse me?” The male friend then answered “could you stand up. You look real sexy.” The female proceed to stand up and walk away. My friend who told me this story was so caught off guard he didn’t know what to do or say to his male friend.

I wanted to use these two stories to highlight a problem I think is growing in popularity. Our society is very sexual and even becoming more sexual. As the sexuality is being heightened the percentage of educated women who are looking for meaningful relationships is increasing. Since I am a dating coach and not a booty call guide I would like to help men and women who would like to approach a person they found interesting. I don’t like to use the term pick up line because it implies the activity of a pick up artist and I don’t like pick up artists. So I use the term opening line. Openers are the statements used to start a conversation. They are not pick-up lines and are more similar to icebreakers statements. I think most men, old and young just don’t know what to say so they use a bad PUL. To help them I developed this list of good openers.




1. Compliment someone on something they created or looks like they created. Complements are always good to use. It’s a mild form of flattery. Most people will not even noticed them as an opening line. When using a complement be ready to follow it with another comment, which doesn’t have to be a complement.
2. Ask someone for information about a place to have fun or something to eat if you’re at a restaurant or the airport. Questions are very good. Friendly people love to share good information with other people. I like this because if a person is not having a good day or they are not friendly they will not respond favorably. One of my clients was so jaded by past experiences that even when men would only say hello to her she would say “do I know you?” I wouldn’t hook anybody up with her having that guarded of an attitude. Who wants to date an unfriendly person?
3. Make a comment about a mutually visible piece of artwork or obstruction. Not a criticism, try something intellectually provocative or humorous. This type of opener gives the person you are talking the opportunity to share their thoughts and intelligence.
4. Comment on something the person looks like they are dealing with. If they are looking at a menu tell them what you are ordering. Friendly people are also open to other friendly people. I do this all the time when networking my business. This type of opener doesn’t speak I want to date you or jump your bones. You get to show a person you are friendly and giving. Everyone wants to date a friendly person.
5. Offer assistance. It’s always a good idea to offer to carry a bag or hold a door for someone you would like to meet. Make sure when doing this type of opener your action is not taken for granted. If you actions are not recognized then take it as the person may not be interested in you because of how you look. Don’t get upset here because physical attractiveness is important to everyone. To some people looks are everything and you don’t want to date a person who wants a sleeping beauty. If you don’t think that is the case follow your action with another opener. Then if you don’t get a favorable response move on and don’t play yourself out.
6. Make a funny public comment about something going on in the world or in the particular area. I love the use of humor. Imagine if you are on line at the grocery store behind someone you would like to meet. The line is moving slow so you make a joke about how long the wait is. One thing to remember is to be cautious about not offending anyone in the area. You can make a flattering joke like “normally the line moves fast but as soon as I got somewhere to go the line is moving slow.” If you say this just loud enough for the person you’re interested in to hear you give them the opportunity to respond to you and that’s the goal.
7. Pass on some good information. Passing out party flyers is a classic technique I can’t tell you how successful this is. When I was promoting a comedy club I worked at I met a lot of women. Some nightclub promoters don’t even have to pay street team promoters because they’ll meet some many women just passing out the flyers.
8. Ask someone how he or she is doing or what he or she’s done that was fun or memorable. This works if you are in a place where you’re supposed to be having fun. Like a cruise or weekend getaway. Be ready to share your activities. You could even try this at a group gathering or something like a bar after work. Happy hours and other restaurant meetings are challenging places to make a first move. Sometimes because you don’t know who has dated who or who is friends with who you get a paralysis of analysis. This type of opener is perfect for these type of situations.
9. Ask someone where he or she is from or what they do. Be ready to share your occupation or hometown. Now be cautious that this is a Gold Digger line so when you use this make sure you take a lead from something. Do not use this out of the blue. If you see a person you are interested in who is doing something which looks like it relates to a possible profession them this type of line is appropriate.
10. Make a comment on a popular subject like a sports figure, politician, celebrity or current event. Popular people and current events are designed for public commentary. Sarah Palin, Tiger Woods or LeBron James are people who all people have strong opinions about. Saying something as simple as “I hope Lebron gets a ring” is a hot opener line. I wouldn’t suggest making a negative comment unless you are open for an argument. Possitivity attracts positivity so keep your comments positive no matter how fun player hating is.



When you use any of my ideas hit me back at coachyojeff@gmail.com