Some times the best thing to do to improve a boring, unfulfilling relationship is to END the relationship. It obvious to break up a toxic relationship but with a “marriage-like” medium relationship with highs and lows it can be very confusing. During my dating years I have never been in a relationship longer than two years. I used to think there was something wrong with me because some of my friends always were in long-term relationships (longer than three years). In my workshops I always clarify that dating is the activities used to find a life partner and not just a way to have sex or way to have a permanent escort. I also believe that the dating process is supposed to be fun just as marriage is supposed to be fun.

I think people stay in relationships longer than they should because they don’t know how to break up with the person they are dating. People don’t want to hurt the person they are dating so they stay in boring potentially toxic relationships. I don’t want to make more heartbreakers with this list but I don’t want people to be trapped in a relationship they don’t like. Here are five tips on ending a dead end relationship otherwise known as Breaking Up.
1. Figure out if your relationship is toxic and what is the cause.
Be as specific as possible. Make it clear to them that the relationship isn’t working for you both because you expect different things from the relationship, or that you’ve reached a line that you don’t feel you can cross back over. Take extra care in your choice of wording, but never lie.
2. Does the person you are dating feel your relationship is good.
It is important to understand how the person you are dating feels about your relationship. This separates the heartbreakers from the friendly Xs.
3. Think about where you would like to propose the break up and how your partner will react.
If you think they will be terribly upset, try a public place that will afford you some privacy, but will deter your partner from possibly “acting up.” If at all possible, try to do it some place you can be alone to really talk things through. Avoid places that contain happy memories from your relationship. You don’t want to spoil them.
4. Choose your words carefully.
Don’t let them wonder what went wrong. Give them the exact specific reason why you want to break up. It will give them an opportunity to really evaluate what they’ve done to contribute to the demise of the relationship, and hopefully apply their knowledge to their next one.
5. Respect the break up.
You have ended you dating process but, you can still be friends. Your first meetings after a break up can be strained, at best. If you don’t feel you’ll be comfortable being around them until your emotions are more under control, try a cold turkey break up. Agree neither of you will have contact with each other for an agreed amount of time. Make sure you agree on the set amount of time during the break up process, or the idea of remaining friends after may diminish.

Other ideas.
Most break ups are cold turkey. If you don’t think that cold turkey breaking up will work best for your relationship then try a slow break up or a separation.

Slow Break up
Your other option is to try a sliding scale approach. Agree to only call or see each other once or twice a week, and slowly narrow it down from there. Agree not to talk about certain things like wishing you were back together, or whether you are seeing anyone new, etc.
If you must remain in contact with them because of school, work or family it is important to remain mature about the situation. Don’t run out and date everyone. Allow your partner some breathing room and time to digest their newly found situation. Also, avoid gossiping about what went wrong. It just makes everything ugly.
Trial Separation
If you are unsure about wanting a permanent break up, try a trial one instead. To signify your commitment to trying to work things out, arrange an agreed upon dating schedule with your partner, maybe once a week. Arrange for the exact dates and times when you are asking for the separation!
Remember, no matter how you do it, or what you say, if you are completely honest with yourself and your partner you both will be able to move on and grow from your experience. Like the common phrase says, “If it was meant to be, it will be.”


As always I love to hear your comments hit me up coachyojeff@gmail.com